When I look at you

Yesterday I looked into your eyes (willingly). I just could not hold them up there, but just hardly five seconds. Something triggered my soul and I just started looking down. Out of respect. Admiration. Or maybe it was the rampant blushing. Something did. Something just involuntarily made me look down. I could feel it flow through my entire body. My heart escalated way too fast. My toes curled, perhaps to hold me upright. I could feel my hands shivering as an innocent smile had been put up on my face, all in the name of your admiration.

A chill went down me when you broke the beautiful silence with your deep, velvety and yet lovingly warm voice. A soft voice that whispered kindness and sweet promises. I admire you. I want to be like you, for you, because you are the best. You make me a better person all the time. I could feel our love through my veins wanting me to take the best care of you, to absorb all your worries into me and to unfurl upon you all the happiness from the world. I simply want to make you feel loved and special. As I regained my senses from admiring you, you went on telling me about all those moments when I wasn’t with you; your griefs, your moments of rejoice and simply sharing your life with me. I love it when you do that. It is like a canvas being painted. A kaleidoscope being rolled out to display the most exquisite patterns. All of a sudden, you gave me that coquettish look. And I almost died. Woah! Whenever you do that I splatter into infinite pieces and yet I want you to do that to me again and again. For forever. I could feel myself blush from all types of emotions burning through my skin. Emotions that wanted me to scream all my worries and fears so that they have no way of coming back to me, for I had you and there was nothing more I could have wanted.

Just by the mention of our love being spoken in your sweet tone my heart stops pumping momentarily. It indeed takes my breath away and renders me mesmerized, captivated in your admiration. There is something magical that you do to me. And that is when I know the answer to, ‘Why didn’t it work out with anyone else?’

Because growing up is tough

I would say last 5-6 months have been a poignant affair for me. The daunting fear of failure, too much of academic related stress, homely responsibilities and to add to it, like the cherry on a cake, loss of the few good friends I had.

In times like these, the only option is to keep going. And you crave for every motivational thing that could help you keep going so that you may let go off the pessimism.

No matter what, every single time, you need to get up, dress up and show up. There comes a time in your life when have to get things done all by yourself. And you need to make sure that you get it done right, because there would be no body to save your ass if you screw up. You have to be strong enough to establish your cause and, thereby, implement your solutions. You have to take that step.

You just need to portray, to the world, a stronger picture of yourself. A more mature and adult version of you, because that is really what adulthood is about. Nobody is really an adult, but all men pretend it. The better you pretend, the more mature you are. You are not a coward. You are a strong independent adult. And let people know of this fact. MAKE THEM BELIEVE THAT IF THEY SLAP YOU, YOU’D PUNCH THEM HARDER AND STRONGER. Not because you actually would/can do that, but only because you don’t want people to hurt you or take advantage of you in any form.

You don’t have to depend on people, because people leave all the time. You are all by yourself and you should be needing only yourself for everything. You, alone, should be controlling your life and taking the charge of your happiness.

And, so, reveal your secrets to no one. Because if you have your secrets intact, you can be who you want, whenever you want. You get to control your life. But if someone knows your secrets, you, sure as hell, are trapped.  You don’t get to be who you want to be and also people ditch and judge all the time.

And only today, I was chatting with a few friends, recalling the time when we all were carefree kids and how we used to fight each other like cats and dogs. But it was always so easy to forget all of that and do that ‘abba’ once again and be the perfect best friends again. Forgetting was so easy then. And so was getting back together.

Well! Adulthood is about pretending that all of it is still as easy, but it never would be. Adulthood is about understanding your responsibilities and reflecting upon the fact that you’ll have to pay off for every single action, if it goes wrong.

Growing up is a task. A tough one.

The Path Less Travelled By

Almost every fortnight, I have an intuition of doing that one ‘rarest of the rare’ thing with an unsubstantiated hope of feeling better. A self-conceived hypothesis, that it would make me feel better about myself.

I had indubitably been an indispensable part of a few erroneous deeds. And today, I look up for redemption. An opportunity to consume rate all those fallacious conducts in an attempt to nullify their ghastly effect over the time. I am all optimistic about doing this rarest thing since I have those groundless perceptions thatimages making it happen would change things around and help me become a better person as a whole. But, what holds me back is the lack of evidence. People never do this. Yes, people don’t. There must be some reason; not everybody around is gullible and foolish to accept things the conventional way. Am I doing the right thing? Would it actually make things better or all this is a work of my own fantasized hallucination? Well, I am not aware. I just know, that forgiving people helps you in becoming a better person and apologizing is one thing you should exercise as and when possible. Holding grudges against someone is more like ruining up your own self. And, I believe I have been educated enough to not hold grudges, to be humble enough to apologize and the rest. So, I must definitely do this rarest thing, even if it will take all my strength and courage. After all, it had taken all my strength and courage to do those erroneous deeds too. So, Yes I’ll do that rarest thing. Although, I am not ensured success here, yet I’d do it and put in all my effort since I have an utterly strong feeling that it would make me feel better about myself.

Now that I have resolved to do this. I need to think upon a few things so that I don’t end up creating fallacious circumstances for myself all over again. Well!, the mere objective is redemption for the wrong I had done in the past. It is going to be some real tough stuff. I need to contain a lot of perseverance, strength and determination. I cannot afford to be a coward and pen down things to avoid confrontations. I need to face it up directly at one go and at the same time withheld myself from elucidating the events that have occurred in the past. Most importantly, I must have faith upon myself and on God. With these few precautions, I must go ahead rollickingly and get this done sometime around Moksha.

Cheers!

All the time

Every morning, waking up with sun
I imagine you and me having all the fun
I make sure that no sadness leaves any trace
I think of ways to put a smile on your face
You and me, like my poem and the rhyme
All the time.

Every second, I feel you around me
Together forever, like those leaves and the tree
With you around, I am on cloud nine
Your words resonating with mine
You and me, like my poem and the rhyme
All the time.

With every breath I take, I love you more
Just you, nothing more do I ask for
Your arms are my palace, your heart my sky
You wipe away all those tears that I had to cry
You and me, like my poem and the rhyme
All the time.

Every moment, I think about you
You’d be just next to me, whenever I’d need you
With your hands intertwined with mine
Everything’s alright, perfect and fine
You and me, like my poem and the rhyme
All the time.

Zindagi Me Aao Tum

Phool saare murjha gaye the, par aaj phir woh dikhe khilte hue
Chaand sitaare saare benoor the, par aaj phir woh tumse roshan hue
Bas tumko dekha aur dekhte hi rahi, dil ki dhadkane bhi ab hai badhne lagi
Meri palkein joh ashqon me simat gayi thi, aaj phir woh khwab dekhne lagi
Ab bas uljhe raho na sawalo me tum,woh har jazbaat aaj tum bayaan kar bhi do
Armaano ko aaj phingalne do, in haseen lamhon ko aaj tum ek pal rukne do
Ye sab nazare hame phir mile na mile, aakar tum mera ab hath thaam lo
Ham tumse kuch kahe na kahe, tum ye sab baatein aaj bin kahe samajh hi lo
Ye hi fariyaad bhi hai, ye hi ibadat bhi hai, khyalon se ab hakeekat me aao tum
Takraar bhi hai aur ikraar bhi,is bewajah si zindagi me wajah ban kar aao ab tum